optimism

Yankee Transplant wrote an interesting post about being an optimist the other day that I almost commented on, but I realised my comment would have been too self-centred to go anywhere but my own blog.
In spite of the evidence presented here, I generally think of myself as an optimistic person, too. If something goes wrong, I tend to shrug and try to figure out some way to get around it, or just assume things will work out and ignore it. I can always find things to enjoy in the meantime. The misery you see here comes when I realise that something I've been ignoring and assuming will work out somehow, is actually no different or even worse.
For a long, long time I thought I had a very happy childhood and nothing to complain about. I'm not sure when I started realising that maybe my memory was somewhat selective, but now I kind of miss the selectiveness because I feel like I've lost that happy childhood. I loved Peripatetic Polar Bear's "Where I'm From" post, but I can't think of where I'm from that isn't depressing.
Maybe I'm not really an optimist, maybe I'm just easy-going to a fault. People often comment on how much of an adjustment it must have been to move to the US and how I must get homesick a lot. My therapist asked last time if I get homesick and I said "sometimes" because obviously, I must; what kind of person doesn't miss their family and friends? But then when she asked when I got homesick and what I missed, I couldn't think of any examples. I don't really miss home. I'm glad to go back (I'm going next week, yay!*) but when I'm here, I'm here. I think I just accept whatever conditions I'm in and don't usually think about changing them. Really, I live in my own head, and that's the same wherever I am, unfortunately.
I'm back to having fits of tears because I messed up my password and got locked out of internet banking so maybe I shouldn't be writing about optimism right now...


*I wrote yay, but now that I think about it, I'm not so sure I do want to go home. I'm going to have to deal with my mum needing constant reassurances that I'm fine and happy (but not so fine and happy that I won't come home) and her (boy?)friend and his daughter and my dad is apparently getting married sometime and they'll arrange the date to fit in with me visiting if possible and I couldn't even fill 10 minutes of conversation on the phone with him tonight and my brother will want to fix me with his cult-ish personal development course and my lil brother needs someone to be a functional role model and I sure as hell can't help him and I'm going to have to explain to my friends why I haven't sent an email in six months and I really just want to hibernate for a while. Thank god for 24hr plane flights.