On the fourth day of Whinemas, the troll gods sent to me...
4 sentences
- that's about all I said in my therapy appointment this morning. I was thinking of plenty of things to write here and/or in the letter I'm continuously drafting to the therapist, but it's too hard to say them out loud. Every time she'd asked me something I'd sit in silence, trying to reduce the open-ended question to something I could give a one or two word answer to. Unfortunately, I was never clear enough on what she actually wanted to narrow it down so by the time I'd been silent for a minute or two, I'd be stuck waiting for her to break the silence yet again. I know she's not asking to get a specific answer and it would be better to say anything (she's being reduced to asking what I did on the weekend and my opinion of movies to get me to say anything at all...) but it takes so much effort to say "yes" or "no" that when I think about how much I'd have to say to give a proper response, I despair of even getting through the first sentence fragment before running out of will power. I'm way too worried about her analysing every little detail, too. I was cursing myself the instant I admitted seeing the Squid and the Whale because of all the potential subtext. I only made things worse by saying I liked it but it was weird. She asked me why I thought it was weird and I couldn't admit that that's really just code for "the characters were all dysfunctional, but of course I'm completely normal so I couldn't identify with them at all and see, I could recognise it's not a "normal" movie so please don't judge me for liking a non-mainstream movie". Plus, any time someone asks me to justify an opinion I assume they're asking because they disagree so I completely lose sight of any reasons I may have had. I can't see how this is ever going to help if I spend the entire time avoiding talking and wishing I could leave.
2 blistered heels
and a huge lack of motivation
At least, thanks to my 8am therapy appointment, I made it into lab by the almost-unheard-of hour of 10am! Not that I did any work for the first 3 hours, but still... And, I even have some results!
posted by Lucy @ 6:02 PM
2
comments
2 Comments:
Can you think of anything that would make you feel like you wouldn't want to avoid talking?
Like if you tried the opposite coping approach: she might analyze every detail if you only give her a few words to work with, but if you FLOOD her with words -- hey, she won't be able to concentrate on any one detail long enough to disagree.
Ok, it wouldn't work for me, either. But I thought I'd throw it out there.
:) thanks for trying, anyway. I think someone asking about an opinion actually makes me realise that I was obviously completely wrong, rather than just that they disagree so it would just be even more stuff I was completely wrong about if I managed to say more. Plus, it seems to be physically impossible to say more. I'm trying to formulate a post on why.
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