excuse the ramblings

I've been feeling twinges of guilt at what I wrote in those 2 posts yesterday, so I went back to check what I'd actually said and in reading over it, I realised how hideously stuck up I sound, so, um, sorry about that. I hope I didn't offend or annoy anyone.

The thing I was particularly worried about was what I wrote about being bored with my friends in high school. I felt bad for saying that because they were nice people, I just never had anything to say (pretty close to literally). I ended up being part of the group because 2 of them lived near me and we walked to school together. In the beginning, they were the only people I knew, and then I couldn't possibly stop being friends with someone because that would be mean. So I spent 5 years sitting in silence (or laughing at other people's jokes) and feeling defective for not having anything to say. It only occurred to me in the last few months of grade 12 that I could go and talk to other people occasionally, who I might actually have something in common with, but then someone asked why I was rejecting my old friends after so long...
Kermitthefrog commented on the last post about never experiencing "late-night philosophical conversations". That's something I would have/still would love to be part of, too, but I never figured out how to find the kind of people who would have interesting conversations like that. Of course, it's not like I contributed anything much to discussion; I guess I wish I was the kind of person who would have discussions like that. Probably my friends from uni, who are very cool and smart, have much more interesting discussions with other people. I was excited when I got here, to see for myself that such discussions actually happened, though, and I briefly thought maybe I could join in. Unfortunately, since I have no opinions, or at least none I can articulate verbally, I still didn't participate. I did hang out and listen to others' debates occasionally, but being a silent observer is pretty awkward.
I guess this is why I like the blogosphere so much. I can read all your thoughtful and intelligent posts and comment and feel like I have something to say. Of course, I still often feel like I'm the same awkward observer of the cool kids, except now I'm being annoying by trying to horn in on the discussion, and probably talking too much.