(Pictures by Dave McKean from The Wolves in the Walls by Neil Gaiman)

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

again, why did I do that?

I just talked to my mum and when she asked if I'd been back to the therapist I once mentioned, I actually said yes, I've been seeing her and the meds person fairly regularly. She started talking about how that's great because talking to someone can really help etc, but her phone card was running out, so now she wants to talk about it more later. Unfortunately, I really don't have much to say about how helpful it is to sit in silence, staring at the floor while digging my nails into my palms for 45 minutes every couple of weeks...

Is this the ritalin? I kept catching myself talking in lab this morning. It was very weird. I also spent most of yesterday giggling with Overly Verbose Student as we attempted to craft an abstract out of results that kept evaporating as we tried to put them into words and then when I got home I went and sat with housemates in the kitchen to chat for a bit. Maybe I should complain to my meds nurse if these unsettling side effects keep up. (Of course, I'm writing this while hiding in my room, having told a housemate I didn't want to watch tv because I was reading a book whose name I couldn't remember...)

7 Comments:

At 11:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is talking to people an unsettling side effect, or one of the reasons to take the medication? ;-)

 
At 11:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm confused as to which are the unsettling effects too... :)

So, you only see the therapist every few weeks? That might explain partly why it is still hard for you to talk to her. I'm no expert (I just play one in grad school), but in my experience when clients have trouble talking, meeting infrequently (less than once a week) or irregularly really hinders progress within the relationship. But, that is just in my opinion. Do with it what you will.

 
At 11:56 PM, Blogger Lucy said...

Are you people crazy? If I start talking, I might accidentally, you know, tell someone something about myself. See, isn't that a horrifying idea?

I generally see the therapist every 2 weeks, but lately there's been weird things going on with her schedule so it's every 3 this time and possibly next time. I think it's an insurance thing or something. I don't know, that's the way she makes the appointments; I just do what I'm told...

 
At 12:12 AM, Blogger sheepish said...

Lucy, you're cracking me up here. Horrible! So very!

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Phantom Scribbler said...

Hooray for Lucy talking and giggling! Hooray for unsettling side effects!

Boo on therapists that don't meet with you regularly enough.

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger betty said...

I agree with the other comments about the infrequent appointments your therapist makes with you. You definitely need to see her more frequently. Just something to think about....

Also, I remember very well what it felt like to not want to be happy again when I was depressed. It seemed stupid and so...not me. But I think it's important to release just a little here and there. Maybe it IS the ritalin, maybe that's the point.

Just remember that the real Lucy won't go away if you change into a happier, more talkative person. I'm glad you are interacting a little bit with people without the anxiety before and the misery during it. Even if it is only for a few seconds!

As for talking with your mom, that one is harder. I never told my parents anything. I felt like until I was better, there was nothing to say that wouldn't worry them - but then again, I'm not very close to my family. At any rate, for you I am crossing my fingers and hoping that conversation goes well! And future ones with your therapist!

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger luckybuzz said...

I'm with Phantom--hooray for the talking! Yes, those are unsettling side effects...but interesting... :)

 

Post a Comment

<< Home