thank you
I'm not doing so well at replying to your comments, because I can't stop crying when I read them. Yesterday when the psychiatrist tried to make me look at him instead of my lap, I lasted about half a second before starting to cry even more and having to look away again. He asked how I felt when I looked at him and I didn't know, but he thought connecting with other people made me sad. I don't know that sad is the right word. I thought maybe I was just scared of seeing someone judging me, but he didn't look judgemental or mean. I have the same reaction whenever anyone is kind to me, but especially when you lovely people write comments. I guess it's similar, in that, I never tell anybody anything I write here, because I'm too terrified of what they'll think and then when I tell you, you're all so nice after all. I still don't know why it makes me cry exactly, though.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I think I made it sound bad that you keep making me cry, but it really does help to hear your perspective and encouragements.
posted by Lucy @ 8:35 AM
13
comments
13 Comments:
{{{Hugs}}}
There's no need to reply to comments, unless you want to. Do what's best for you. We're here for you.
I remember the first time a perfect stranger stopped me on the steps of my high school and asked me if I was OK. I never cried so hard in my life as I did at that moment. There is something about being witnessed, after years of suffering invisibly, that really lets loose the flood gates.
Hugs to you, Lucy. Whether you're crying or commenting, we're here for you. And we think the world of you.
I am so sorry your appointment was so hard for you! You are absolutely not defective. Depression is an illness: that's why medical insurance covers it. It can be devastating to have someone else agree with you though, that you really are depressed.
Don't worry about not being able to speak up. Do the best you can. These are people who are trained to work with mental health issues. They will not judge you.
Lastly, I would caution you to do some research on Effexor. I was on it for several months, and it seemed to work, but it can have horrible horrible side-effects in some people. I was dizzy and nauseous for three days when I first started taking it. It took me a whole *month* to slowly discontinue taking it as well, because I got severe vertigo if I stepped down too fast.
I don't want to scare you, but I know dozens of people who were on Effexor who feel they weren't informed of the side effects. And there are plenty of other antidepressants out there.
Do some research, you're a scientist after all, and make an informed choice. I know going back and telling them you want something else will be really hard for you, but think about it. I wish I had.
I'm totally going to go look at those comments to see which horrible person said something to make you cry. :)
There's nothing wrong with crying. It's just an emotional expression, albeit a strong and cathartic one.
Now you've gone and made me cry! Lucy, I'm so very sorry yesterday's appt was such torture for you, and it did sound like torture. As others have said you're taking Giant Steps forward here and they're bound to be painful. I hope the crying has had a cathartic effect. Wish I could bring you some ice cream or something.
when you hit the bottom just remember - there's no where to go but up ...
I always cry when people are nice to me. And phantom's line about being witnessed choked me up too. Pass the tissues.
:)
Lots of virtual hugs to you, Lucy. This is a hard and brave thing you're doing.
No need to reply. We're not commenting because we want replies, we're commenting to let you know we're here and we care.
As has been said -- no need to respond if it's difficult. On the other hand, just let us know if you want us to be silly for a change. :)
We like you! We really like you.
aw, you guys are the best. *hugs* and tissues all round!
It's not that I feel obligated to reply; I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your support, because it really does mean a lot to me. Thanks!
Lots of hugs through the cyberspace to you! Sorry that you are still crying. Sometimes it is good to cry. I feel a lot like crying today as well--and kinda am.
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