another silent therapy session
I had an appointment with the therapist this afternoon. I forgot it was so soon after my last appointment, so I hadn't replied to her email. I basically said nothing again. She ended up talking again about how different I seemed at the front desk and wondering whether it was something about the format or setting that made me so anxious. Her example was that maybe it was like making someone who's phobic about elevators have therapy in an elevator. I don't think that quite works as an analogy, since the therapy is what I'm afraid of. I don't think moving it somewhere else is going to make a difference. She talked about how she could be flexible and open to other things, like going for a walk or something (that would just make it worse, to have other people be able to see me, too!) and she didn't understand why I wasn't open to any other formats.
The only thing I could think of that would make it easier, would be to IM, so I wouldn't have to actually be there. But I'm not sure if I should suggest that or not. Last time she talked about trying different formats, she said something that made it sound like she wouldn't like the idea. Also, I'm not sure I want to be able to actually tell her stuff online, because then what if I have to see her in person again? I know... There's not really any point going at all if I never want to tell her anything.
She was worried, too, that I don't talk because I don't connect with her specifically. I don't think that's it, since I can't imagine talking to anybody, but I felt bad that she might think I don't like her.
I've been reading quite a few books about therapy lately and I keep being jealous of the people in the books who have wonderful therapists who are just right for them. I also kind of wish I were a little kid, so I could just go and play with toys and it would be more understandable that I don't talk. Although, I probably wouldn't be able to play with the toys, either. Playing games was another thing the therapist suggested today that I didn't think would help.
posted by Lucy @ 7:36 PM
6
comments
6 Comments:
Have you tried writing stuff out and bringing it with you?
but then I'd have to sit there while she read it...
I've emailed stuff to her; that's the only way I can tell her anything.
It sounds like she is trying really hard to help you and understand where you are.
It also seems like you would be a perfect candidate for e-therapy (therapists who deliver services through IMing or email) :) That said, my hunch is that there is something about talking that might be important for you. I mean - I think we, as your readers, know you can disclose in writing. But maybe somehow it is important to your process (growth?) to put things into words. This is all conjecture - so feel free to toss out the window.
I mean - I know for me that I would write things to my old shrink - but it seemed like I hadn't really really communicated it until I said it. Something about the verbalization made it more cathartic, almost. But, I think the writing helped because I could see how she'd react (and I never looked at her when she read).
And I think about my quiet clients - and I think that there is only so much that I, as their shrink, can do to help them talk. That is, I can create an atmosphere of comfort (within reason), of safety, of acceptance whether there was talking or silence, I could be receptive and open and present. But, ultimately, in my experience, clients only talk when they are ready - about what they feel ready to say. And sure, I have lots of little tricks - and I've played games and had clients (adults too) draw, I have them make lists beforehand of things to discuss, sometimes I just sit and wait and wait and wait, sometimes I beg (I use that as a tool, very sparingly), I often ask what is going on right in that moment, and sometimes I blackmail a little (like, "Okay, you have 15 minutes left and I know you feel better when you say at least something - and I can tell there's something big going on in that head of yours - so just tell me - you have time, and you'll feel better than if you leave with it unsaid). And yet still, it is totally up to my clients whether or not they talk.
I dunno if that is helpful at all. I guess the jist is I've experienced both sides of this fence.
Nothing to add other than sympathy and the mental image of you playing games with the therapist (slamming down the dice cup and hollering "Yahtzee!!!").
Why NOT suggest IM? It sounds like a great idea to at least try once or twice. You might have to set it up for her and show her how to use it, but it could work.
I've used it as a tool to communicate with some of my own high school students, and it's been very effective.
wolfangel, I don't think I can do anything if the therapist is there watching me. I think I'd also be self-conscious if I were trying to do some art that related to my neuroses. Actually, I'd be self-conscious trying to do any kind of art.
shrinky, yeah, I feel bad that she's trying so hard and I'm not helping her at all. Maybe talking would be important, but I can't do it at all. I don't think I've never said anything out loud about how I feel (I think I said something to Phantom when we met about avoiding my housemates and that felt pretty weird).
You're right that there's only so much the therapist can do. It makes me wonder if I'm just wasting her time and maybe I should stop going, since I really can't just start talking.
I don't really have anything I want to say either. I don't know what I should (or want to) be talking about.
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