therapy (lack of) progress

The last couple of sessions, the therapist has been trying to get me to visualise a safe place to go if I'm feeling anxious or something. This kind of seemed pointless to me, because I already avoid thinking about anything that makes me anxious and it just seemed like another way to hide from scary situations. I have the same problem when she wants me to do deep breathing exercises to calm down. She always acts like it's so great that I can lower my anxiety level fairly quickly, but I think it's more to do with her stopping asking questions than the actual exercises and the anxiety goes right back up as soon as she starts again.
The other week, I was late getting to the office so the receptionist had to call the therapist to say I was there. While she was calling, I saw my therapist walking towards the front desk so I told the receptionist she was there. When I got to where the therapist was, I was still in pretending-to-be-normal mode from talking to the receptionist, so I started apologising for being late. I may even have been smiling, still. Then I realised what I was doing and freaked out and by the time we got to the therapist's office, I was back to my usual silent, withdrawn self. The therapist thought it was something to do with not being in her office and suggested talking while going for a walk or something. I had to burst her hopeful bubble, yet again, but I couldn't explain that I just slipped up by letting her catch a glimpse of fake-normal-me.
Anyway, last time she realised that I just thought the safe place was another way of hiding so she wants to try to make it more empowering somehow. I'm not quite sure what she means by that. It was something to do with saying nicer and more supportive things to myself, which I couldn't imagine when she tried to describe it. I'm supposed to email her and tell her something that gives me comfort or a sense of contentment and I don't know what to tell her. What I think of to try to make myself feel better is sitting close, kind of snuggling up next to someone (nobody I know, just some vague, comforting person). In Twilight Children, that I read today, when the children she was working with got upset, Torey Hayden would hug them and let them sit on her lap. I wish I were small enough to sit on someone's lap sometimes. I can't tell the therapist that, though. I have to think of something else.
I feel guilty for purposely hiding things from her. I know I'm just sabotaging her attempts to help. In Twilight Children, Torey Hayden tells one of the children that she can't help her unless she herself chooses to be on the side of the therapists and doctors against the Troubled Place that's holding all the pain inside her. I'm definitely not on the therapist's side. As much as I wish someone could break them down, I'm still fiercely defending the walls that keep me isolated.