no random bullets, just crap

After claiming on Friday that I couldn't be depressed because I wasn't feeling miserable, I've ended up in tears today because I just suck so very much...
I thought I was doing okay last week. I had a meeting with my advisor on Thursday and finally managed to admit that I wasn't all that interested in the things he's been suggesting and actually came up with a good idea for a project. I even managed to do some work on it on Friday, after being distracted all morning. Saturday, I hardly hid in my room at all because I was socialising with housemates and others. I even felt okay yesterday when I did stay in my room, knitting and watching dvds.
Then at some point, staying in my room became hiding... And all I've eaten since Saturday is half a sandwich and some chocolate. And today I couldn't even convince myself to get out of bed until almost 12 and I'm still at home, trying to make myself leave to go to lab.
I'm kind of "working" in two different places now, which makes it easier to be avoidant, since if I don't show up at one, people will just assume I'm at the other. I don't want to go to the new place, because I'll have to talk to people and I feel like I'm always bothering them and getting in their way since I can't do anything on my own yet. I don't want to go to the old place, because I think everyone there either knows how much of a slacker I am, or will assume I've been working hard all morning at the new place, and either way I'll feel guilty (not that I don't now).
I thought the new project idea would help me feel more motivated, but instead I'm just more scared, because it would be all different stuff I haven't done before, and it would take a long time and I should already have something to show for my time in the lab by now and it mightn't work, and really, if I thought of it (not that it was anything that original that nobody else thought of, anyway), it can't actually be a good idea and my advisor will figure that out soon.

Okay, even if I'm still convinced I suck, I can see this isn't helping. I'm going to go to the new lab and do the one thing I really have to do there, then I will find a review on each of the four areas I should be reading about and at least read them. It's not exactly 15 points (that's working so well...), but it's better than nothing, I guess. I suppose I should find something to eat, too.