back up to terrifying

I read over my posts from the last couple of months today, trying to see if there was any difference since I started taking the current medication, since I hadn't noticed any change. It's possible I've been whining less this month, but I'm not sure.
When I first got into the psychiatrist's office today, I felt weird, kind of like last time I saw the therapist. I guess the difference was I wasn't entirely closed off and hiding behind my usual defences. I felt oddly aware of my surroundings, rather than just focussed on myself, which was one of the things the SAD book mentioned was part of the disorder.
That feeling didn't last long, though. I tried answering his questions, but when he said he couldn't hear my answer to his question about what I was doing for Christmas after I'd repeated it for the third time (requiring more effort each time), I started crying. I know I was mumbling and he was presumably trying not to enable my refusal to talk, but I really was trying and I felt so pathetic. Then, at the end, he mentioned my answer, revealing that he had understood what I'd said, which made me hate him a little.
What made me shut down completely, though, was when he was trying to get me to look at him for longer than half a second. He noticed me digging my nails into my fingertips and pulled my hand away.
He said I was making him feel like the big bad wolf because I was so obviously scared of him. And I couldn't say no, or even shake my head when he asked if he was too overbearing or something.
I'm pretty sure he has no idea what to do with me, which is understandable. He doubled my Celexa dosage, though, and I'm supposed to go back again in a few weeks.