evil again

My mum called tonight. It was at a time when she usually calls, so I assumed it was for me and picked up the phone, even though a housemate had already answered it. I hung up again when I heard him say something about being worried, thinking it wasn't her after all. Then my housemate came into the room I was in, saying "she seems to be fine" and then he wrote down my mum's phone number and handed the phone to me.
I hate it when my mother talks to other people about me. She told me she was just giving my housemate her number in case I ever got sick or something...
She's worried about me, though, because I don't call her enough. I am just as bad about procrastination with keeping in touch with my family and friends as I am with doing work. She thinks (or thought, I hope) that I was intentionally avoiding talking to her because I hate her.
I've been feeling guilty for ages about not posting her birthday present, which is still sitting on my desk, and not calling enough.
I've done the same with my dad, except worse. I didn't even return his phone calls when he left messages. And my brother emailed me with another attempt to get me to open up completely with him, which I ignored for months and then avoided replying to directly.
I've been avoiding talking to them because I feel guilty and anxious when they ask how my work is going (if I say I'm not doing anything, shouldn't I give up and go home and not stay so far away from them for no reason? And I should be working, so that I don't have to spend extra years far away finishing my PhD) or how I am (if I'm unhappy, I should go home and be comforted by them, right? Or maybe I should be unhappier than I am about being so far away) and whether I'm really okay or just saying that and I can always talk to them about anything (except I can't).
I think I've managed to convince them I don't care at all about them.
It doesn't help that I haven't got it together enough to start Christmas shopping yet, despite the fact that postage time, and the time difference, and the fact that they're having Christmas 4 days early mean I should've already posted stuff.
I haven't emailed any of my friends in ages, either. The only ones I've been in contact with are ones who use IM, and message me first. I always feel like hiding first, and then am happy to have spoken to them.
I do care that I'm hurting all the people I love/like, but I think I should care more. Somehow it's easier just to let time slip by, without actually doing anything.
It's easier just to be evil than to admit that I'm struggling with everything. Probably because that would feel like just making excuses, and if I'm going to be evil, I shouldn't let people think otherwise.