special treatment
Occasionally I feel like I'm in some alternate universe where everyone else sees things entirely differently from me. For example, every time I meet with my advisor, I'm terrified he's going to say something about how slack I've been, but instead he tells me how hard I've been working. I think it might be a short term memory problem, since he also tends to react as if I've come up with something entirely novel when I'm just reminding him of what we talked about the last time. Maybe he hasn't been keeping track of how very long I've been "optimising conditions" so that I can do some actual work. Or maybe he's assuming the fact that it's taking so long means it's very hard, I guess. Or, a possibility I thought was more likely until recently, he's just nice and encouraging and doesn't want to make me cry in his office.
I'm a little less convinced by the last explanation since I found out a few weeks ago that the reason a grad student who rotated in the lab didn't end up joining is that my advisor told her that she wasn't working hard enough and maybe she shouldn't even be in grad school. Apparently, if she were really interested she'd be reading on her own time and coming up with project ideas etc. When I heard this, I just stared at her, because I couldn't believe the difference between that and how he treats me. If those are his expectations for grad students, why did he let me join the lab? How can he not realise that I'm not reading or working or coming up with ideas? And if he does realise, why does he not say anything like that to me? Maybe he's already stuck with me and is just trying to avoid attracting anyone else who might be similarly unproductive.
posted by Lucy @ 2:48 PM
7
comments
7 Comments:
Maybe he disliked her for some other reason and wanted to scare her off?
If he felt sorry that he had you in the group, I think you'd know it, given that he had no trouble saying that to her. Unless he was just having a really, really bad day that day. But you'd probably have landed one of those days by now if it was a regular occurance.
So I conclude that for whatever reason he thinks you are doing ok. Maybe you are!
I bet it's that she isn't as smart as you - so she has to work extra super duper hard to make up for that.
okay, this alternate universe where everybody sees things differently than you do...? it's called reality. :)
I spent most of grad school feeling like I wasn't smart, productive, creative, energetic, talented, etc. enough. That my advisor got stuck with me and only complimented me because he had to do so. It took me a couple of years, but I realize that's not true. If someone isn't happy with your progress or ability, they'll generally let you know - it doesn't help them to support ill-suited students.
Research sometimes moves painfully slowly. There are times when the next step is quite unclear and months where you read a little and think a little and sleep a lot (or at least I did), then it eventually comes together. My educated guess is that you're doing just fine. Try to believe that and allow people to encourage you rather than wondering if they're just humoring you. :)
Yeah, what everyone else said. My hunch, also, is that you're one of those super smart people who can get a lot accomplished in a little time. So it might just be that you, unlike this other gal, can pull off being a bit of a slacker without notice!
I think you're all too kind in your interpretations, but thank you. :)
Today I talked to my advisor again and I think perhaps the fact that I go along with his Grand Schemes goes some way towards off-setting my lack of productivity, since the other student wanted a more straightforward project. It's a pity I never actually follow through on any of the Grand Schemes, though.
Maybe he just thinks your smart and likes you. I've had good luck with profs myself, and sometimes it doesn't seem to be fair who they like and support and who they don't. Sometimes I worry that they could change their minds any min. But until then, I'll just be thankful that they like me for now.
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