purpose
Another thing The Pathfinder suggested for being happy and productive was to have some overarching purpose to life. The example in the book was about a garbage collector who decided his purpose would be to bring a little sunshine into the life of everyone he met. I don't think I could stretch that far to find a purpose to motivate me, but in theory, I'm far more interested in my work than I would be in collecting rubbish.
I haven't felt like I've had much purpose in lab in the last couple of years. I guess if I had to pick one, it would have been to do the minimum work required to avoid getting kicked out. I have achieved that, at least. Recently, a seminar speaker I went to lunch with asked all the students/post-docs there what our 10 year plans were. I got as far as "graduate". I'm still not sure about the rest of the 10 years, but even being able to graduate would take more purpose than I've had so far.
I had a meeting with my thesis committee last week. It was just meant to be a progress check and it was far less stressful than I was expecting (although I hadn't realised they'd send me out of the room to give my advisor a chance to report on me without me hearing - that was anxiety-provoking). It was the first time anyone had mentioned any kind of graduation timeline, though. The committee was concerned that I was planning too much to fit into my remaining time (since I effectively have to start my project now). Apparently, I should be aiming to be done in a year and a half, although they'd accept two years, which is probably more likely. I've been drifting along as if I were happy to be here indefinitely, but hearing that made me realise that I've been here close to 4 years already and graduation should at least be visible on the horizon.
The day after that meeting, I had to present at journal club and that turned into a discussion of possible projects I might do, as if I hadn't already proposed several. My advisor has a tendency to come up with exciting, new plans every couple of weeks, and since I've been optimising the assay that would be the basis for any of the plans, I haven't worried too much about switching my focus to follow my advisor's enthusiasm (they are all interesting ideas). The post-doc, who told me last time I presented at a similar meeting that the new plan du jour was unnecessarily complex and ambitious, came up to me afterwards and told me I need to pick something and not let my advisor change my mind again, if I ever wanted to graduate.
This evening, as I went back to lab on my way home to pick up my forgotten power cord, I ran into my advisor and got stuck in another 2 hour meeting discussing the potential options. I found myself getting frustrated as he brought up projects I thought had been rejected long ago, as well as new ones he'd only just thought of. I was also worried that the project he seemed most interested in is one that has diverged from the original plan enough that I don't really want to do it (even though it is probably the most theoretically exciting, I'm so not interested). I didn't say anything, of course, but I'm working on my own list of options in an attempt to develop a strong enough opinion that I can pick a project and refuse to change.
Is having a defined project that I'm interested in enough to provide a sense of purpose? It would be nice to think I'll get to that point, since I'm not sure I can sustain a career by counting the minutes spent working until I'm allowed to read blogs.
posted by Lucy @ 11:24 PM
8
comments
8 Comments:
i think picking something and sticking with it until you graduate definitely counts as having purpose. this is the defining moment in your career where you take complete control over your project - not just the day to day control but the big picture, intellectual control. your advisor will respect you for it (not get mad that you didn't do one of the 948 other things he suggested). you'll respect yourself too. and....you'll get closer to leaving which is always good.
it sounds like to me once you get deeper into one single path the random ideas from your advisor about the direction you should go in will stop. he'll start generating ideas for you to follow up on your exciting results instead. i've seen them do it so many times - just bounce around ideas with no regard for the stage of your career. it's like the job description for PI read simply: "must be able to continually generate and be excited about ideas. no follow through or responsibility necessary". don't let him be in charge of this very important step. YOU are in charge - and you know enough about your field now to pick something sensible - ONE something sensible and do it.
Before I even read the comment from the post-doc - I was thinking that you probably do need to pick something and tell your advisor - this is what I'm going to do - no new ideas unless this one falls spectacularly apart....because it is easy to do nothing when there is no end in sight!
My situation was a bit different - my advisor didn't have many ideas, so when we came upon one that was semi-feasible, I did it.
What helped me was - at the advice of my committee and advisor since my project could be viewed as impossible to complete - was to make a timeline. I color coded it with teaching and service goals (and had my own version with personal goals, of course), and the research was divided into when I'd finish certain sections of the project, where I planned to put the resulting publication, etc. The detail soothed me and kept everyone in the loop in terms of when I saw myself graduating.
I failed to see the degree as this passionate endeavor that gave me purpose. I still don't, though I like the research more and more and enjoy the moments where I realize I know a good deal and can apply that knowledge. But I saw the PhD as a series of tasks to be completed - the timeline helped me organize those tasks and made me focus on my own research rather than helping with other projects.
It's what worked for me - if you don't find it applicable, I won't be offended at all. :) I still have my share of days when I'd rather stay home and read blogs than do the work on which I was trained. I'll let you know if I ever get around that. :)
Ahh, beware the Shiny Bauble Syndrome. My post-doc advisor had the SBS. We had an overall plan, but every so often he would come down into lab and send us off on wild goose chases for a couple of weeks pursuing some shiny bauble that caught his eye. These almost never amounted to anything, and while we learned things about our apparatus, we were always a bit bitter for having followed the shiny object. Pick something, stick with it, and then if you still have time branch out.
Aside: After going to the movies last weekend and seeing a preview, every time you say "Pathfinder", I think of this.
Betty, your job description sounds fairly accurate for my PI. I think you're right that he'll stop being so random once I have a defined project. Taking charge sounds kind of scary, though...
Katie, I'm planning to make timelines today! It would be good enough, I think, to be able to follow a series of tasks. Sometimes it seems like much more passion is required for a career in science, though...
Sheepish, my advisor is definitely suffering from SBS.
i don't know if this discussion is over yet or not but...
1) sheepish - i LOVE SBS! that's exactly what my old PI had!
2) for the record i don't think 'passion' (whatever that means) is required for success. maybe, MAYBE it's required for super duper success. but to do a very nice phd, even a post-doc and get an academic career? no. i've seen people who display no emotional connection to their work but who are very methodical, well organized and committed to their project. they work hard and eventually it worked out for them. maybe they got lucky, i don't know.
but i think that even if you are not in love with your project or even with a phd, you can still take ownership of your project and finish.
I think that Betty's last point there is a great one...that finishing might be more important than being in love with your project. I might need to put that up on a wall somewhere. :)
I don't think I'm that fussed about super-duper success, so that is encouraging, thanks, Betty.
Maybe we should make samplers of that, Luckybuzz :)
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