alternative thoughts 3

This is getting harder, not easier...

Monday:

The housemate who was temporarily replaced was back this morning. I said hi, but nothing much else. I suck. I should've asked about his trip, but he was with his girlfriend planning something so I didn't want to bother him. He must think I'm so rude.
Alternative: I guess not wanting to bother him isn't rude, or should I be assuming that talking to him wouldn't be bothering him? He was probably concentrating on the list he was making. I can ask about his trip later, anyway.

I had to set up a big experiment today with a bunch of other people helping me, because they run the facility I was using. One of those people was going to go through everything we had to do beforehand but got stuck in a meeting so I wasn't entirely sure what I was supposed to be doing, and it was all time sensitive and another person wanted to go through something else with me at the same time. I'm so disorganised and incompetent and slow. I should've known what I was doing and not waited for them to organise everything. I probably messed up the experiment and I'll have wasted all their time and reagents. I can never do an experiment without something going wrong.
Alternative: I was disorganised, but so were the other people and they were meant to be showing me how to use the equipment so it can't be all my fault. It could have been far worse, so I guess I'm not completely incompetent and it's better to be slow than rush and really ruin everything. It would've been better to plan ahead and ask in advance so I'm not feeling rushed and uncertain to begin with; I can do that next time. Most of the experiment probably worked and I can repeat it if I have to. I do get results from most experiments, even if they're not perfect, I guess.

I did call my grandmother for Mothers' Day, but she wasn't home, so now I have to email my aunt, who lives next door, instead (shh, no I can't call now) so she can pass my message on. I don't know what to say. I haven't done anything interesting to talk about. She wouldn't be interested in me rambling on about nothing. Have I really been doing nothing with my time? I'm so boring. I should've been in contact earlier. My aunt is also going to be annoyed at having to pass on my messages and will I make her feel bad that I don't email her, I'm just using her as a messenger. Am I going to inconvenience her if I ask if I can visit while I'm home? I don't want to bother her.
My mum told me my brother has been sending frequent emails about what he's doing to my aunt and she prints them out to read to my grandmother. He is doing more interesting things than me, though, so of course they're more interested in what he has to say.
Alternative: I haven't been hiding in my room all year, so there are things I could talk about. I just need to remember what I've done... I don't have to say a lot, anyway. Reading an email doesn't take that much effort and my aunt might like to hear from me, too. She has invited me to visit before, so it can't hurt to ask. Maybe they would be interested in what I've been doing, too.

One of the cleaning staff just came around to sweep where I'm sitting. I should say hello or something. I'm so rude to just ignore her. If I say hello, maybe I'll have to talk to her, though and I don't really want to because I don't have anything to say. If I say hello once, I'll be obligated to find something to say every day and I won't be able to and then she'll think I'm even more rude.
Alternative: I could just say hello without getting into a conversation. She probably doesn't want to stop and talk, anyway. Am I supposed to pretend there's some alternative interpretation where I'm not being rude? Because I really am.

Posting this (again). You must really be sick of these posts. I'll try to post something different tomorrow, although I can't promise it'll be any more interesting.
Alternative: I guess some people did comment in favour of these posts and you don't have to read them if you don't like them.