anxious thoughts 4

These are getting kind of repetitive... I'll move on to the next step tomorrow, I think.

Friday:
I ate a flaky pastry thing (among other things) at lab meeting and got crumbs all over me. Everyone else in my lab must think I'm such a grub, and greedy for eating multiple pastries.

I emailed the bloggers I'm meeting up with tomorrow to check that our plans were still on. Maybe they have something better to do, instead. Are they're going to think I'm being patronising, as if they can't remember plans by themselves? And I'm not going to have anything to say so they'll think I'm boring and not want to hang out with me again. At least they can talk to each other, but I want to be able to talk, too.

I got an email a couple of weeks ago from someone I didn't know that was a stupid forward. I deleted it. Today I got another similarly stupid forward from the same person so I replied and said I didn't know who she was and she probably has the wrong email address (I get that a lot, since I have lucy at gmail). She wrote back and said "Lucy, it's me, Rosemary!" so although my first reaction was "how the heck would that help me recognise you? I could see your name in the from field before" now I'm wondering if I somehow have forgotten knowing a Rosemary. Have I been incredibly rude to someone I do actually know? Is my memory that bad that I could forget knowing someone? I really don't think I know a Rosemary, especially not one who would forward on dumb emails, but the fear of embarrassment if I'm wrong made me write a more polite email back, including my last name and asking if she was sure I was the Lucy she was aiming for. She just asked to be allowed to google chat with me, so now I'm really doubting my memory. Who is this person?

A housemate who's been away for a few days asked me what exciting things have been happening this week. I could barely remember anything I've done this week at all, and certainly nothing that I would call exciting, so I said "nothing much". She was probably just trying to be friendly and make conversation so I should have come up with something to say. It didn't have to be all that exciting really. Why can I not think of anything to say? I'm so bad at talking to people.

Chatting online with a shyness IRC channel friend. I told him I was going to be home in June and he suggested we get together, which would be good, although I'll have nothing to say and look like a shy freak and be reminded of the stupid things I said and did in that shyness group. Then when I said I might go to another city to visit my grandmother, too, he said he was planning on visiting a friend nearby and asked if I wanted to share petrol costs and drive. Argh! I can't spend 10+ hours in a car with just one other person! Plus, I think my mum would freak at the idea of me driving somewhere with a guy I met online. Can I say no without being rude? I made some excuse about not knowing my plans yet. The usual anxious thoughts about not having anything to say and being completely boring and rude apply to online conversations as well as real life ones, too.