so much for that

I just wrote last night that I'm not feeling so depressed, but here I am again sobbing uncontrollably still in bed on a sunny afternoon... I thought maybe today I would feel normal enough to clean up the squalor in my room and do my communal cleaning task for a change. I even had hopes of at least starting to plan the work I need to do to start on my proposal again. Instead, just thinking about the things I need to do but haven't set off a huge avalanche of guilt (which is why I avoid thinking/doing anything about these things) - I haven't emailed back a friend who wrote to me on my birthday months ago, I haven't replied to my dad after basically attacking him over his dealings with mum, one of my housemates is now doing the cleaning task I didn't do when it was my turn. I was going to have a shower but another housemate is cleaning the bathroom (another task I failed to do when it was my turn) and cleaning housemate's boyfriend, who I'm pretty sure doesn't like me because she always has to do the chores I leave undone, is in the dining room so I think I'm just going to stay in here all day, after all.
When I was living at home I was always the Responsible One, who would usually do my jobs and my brother never did his. I resented him leaving them for everyone else to do, but since moving out, he's become the cleaning nazi of his house and I'm now the freeloading slacker... I keep meaning to do my job, but for reasons I haven't quite figured out, I'm self-conscious about doing it when other housemates are around (something about not wanting to get credit for it; I also can't be around when other people are cleaning) and since I'm staying incredibly late at lab (not actually working) it's hard to find times when nobody's around.
I feel like I'm unfit to be living with people, but if I lived on my own I'da never talk to anyone. Not that I do much now anyway. I can't get out of bed in the morning so I end up going in to the lab later and later (I used to feel bad if I got there after 10, now if it's before 11 I feel very early) and once I'm there the inertia takes hold and I end up playing endless games of spider solitaire (my mouse battery died already so no minesweeper again). Then when I do see housemates they make a fuss about never seeing me and how hard I'm working, which of course I'm not so I feel extra guilty...
This is ridiculous! I don't want to be like this.