therapy
I missed my last therapy appointment because I didn't get a reminder email like I always have before and it was the day after my proposal was due and I was still working on it so I didn't make any effort to check. Now my therapist's away until September and I will be too. I think I have an appointment with my meds person this week, but I haven't been taking them so I don't want to go. I'm very tempted to just lie and say I've been taking them because then the appointment will be less than 5 minutes (her: so you're on 200ug/day?, me: yep, but they're not doing anything, her: okay, but let's keep them going for now, any questions? me: shakes head, her: anything you want to talk about? me: shakes head, her: okay, well, make an appointment and remember, you can call if there's anything you want to talk about, me: okay (leaves)). I don't know how to tell her I stopped taking them. Well, I know theoretically, but in practice it would require too many words that can't be replaced with head movements or shrugs. I literally cannot make enough sound to say a whole sentence and I'm scared that she'll be annoyed at me for stopping.
Before I went to my last appointment with my therapist, I'd written out some stuff I was going to email her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. During that appointment, though, she asked me to write something to show her next time. I did wonder if my subconscious somehow managed to delete the appt reminder before my conscious mind saw it because I didn't want to show her anything. I know the whole point of therapy is for her to figure out what's going on in my head, but I'm still terrified of letting anyone (who can actually see me) know anything about me. I managed not to cry last time, but that was probably counterproductive, because the tears only turn on when she managed to guess something that was bothering me and that was all the indication she had.
posted by Lucy @ 1:39 AM
4
comments
4 Comments:
What I find hard about therapy/meds dr. appts. is that I have a hard time bringing up specific things that are bugging me or are issues unless they ask me a fairly specific question leading to that (I have this dumb feeling that it's not appropriate to talk about myself - it's self-centered or something - unless the person specifically asks - despite the fact that the appointments are about me!). Of course, the doctors can't know this and don't know how to read my mind. So sometimes I know I make these appointments less helpful than they could be.
As for the meds doctor - I think you should tell her you've stopped and it's no different than when you were on them and maybe suggest that you'd like to try something different? Or perhaps try a different doctor, if this one isn't listening to you?
best of luck!
that's my problem too. I feel like I'm wasting their time or bothering them with my complaints, but really it's much more of a waste for me to sit there in silence.
Hi, Lucy,
Brand new to your blog, so I hope you don't mind me butting in on this.
It took me a LONG time to verbalize stuff in therapy, because I'm from a "don't air dirty laundry in public" kind of family. So I hear you on this.
You've said some things very clearly here on your blog, especially in this post. Would you feel like you could print this page and take it to the doctor? (I can promise you that you're not the first person to go through this, so they should be able to help.)
You are certainly not wasting their time...it's why they are IN this profession.
Hope you feel much, much better soon!
Thanks and welcome :) My idea last time was to give her an edited version, but I realised that then I'd have to talk about it and that was too scary a prospect... maybe I'll manage to actually show her next time.
Post a Comment
<< Home