children's books part II

A long, long, long time ago, someone posted something about literary crushes. As you might have guessed from the last post, I still haven’t outgrown those from my childhood (probably largely due to the fact that I have no RL crushes to replace them) so I was saving talking about some of my absolute favourite books until this post. I already mentioned Meg Murry but, while I did love Calvin O’Keefe at the time, he was a little too perfect and too much the solution to all Meg’s problems. My one true fictional love has always been Jeff Greene.

Ever since the age of 11, my most treasured books, to which I still turn in search of solace and hope are the Tillerman books by Cynthia Voigt, in particular those concerning Dicey and Jeff. I have read Dicey’s Song and A Solitary Blue too many times to count, but I still weep uncontrollably for their losses and difficulties.

In Jeff’s family, I recognise the emotionally distant, uncommunicative father and the mother who shares her frustrations at his apparent lack of feeling with her child. I’ve experienced the peace of a deserted island beach watching storm-filled gutters pass by bus windows in the rain, just as Jeff found it on fairground rides. Joking conversations and normal friendships are still as alien to me as they seemed to be for him and I still shut down out of terror if someone reacts to me with anger.

With Dicey, I share a stubborn disinclination to ask for help and need to let everyone know I have my own thing to do and I didn’t care to fit in, anyway. I know that despite my many detailed plans, I would lose everything because there was one more thing I should have known I needed.

Unfortunately, I’m lacking Jeff’s determination to make the effort to communicate and his ability to step back and realise people mean him no harm. I have little of Dicey’s work ethic or fierce concern for her family. But nevertheless, as they manage to dismatly their protective barriers and engage with their world and with each other, I can’t help feel a glimmer of hope that someday I’ll find a way to do the same and find my real life Jeff Greene.