Happy new year!

I really hope today is not indicative of the year to come, even if it is entirely indicative of the year just ended. I only left my room (and my bed, in fact) for food (plus an excursion to admire a housemate's new ipod). I kept thinking I would write some kind of reflection or summary of 2005, or resolutions for 2006, perhaps, but given how determined my expertly avoidant mind was to find new and potentially interesting things to read, that obviously wasn't going to be so easy. The fact that I seem to be unable to blog during daylight hours, mightn't have helped either.
2005 was not a very memorable year for me, hardly surprising since I spent a large proportion of it idly websurfing. It took a concerted effort to even remember that I did my qualifying exam this year. So, in an attempt to prove to myself that I didn't spend the entire year endlessly refreshing bloglines (if only because I didn't sign up until midway through the year), I'm trying to make a list of things I did:

• I joined my thesis lab and spent 3 months "reading about potential projects" (ie aimlessly websurfing)
• I finally convinced myself that torturing myself with Enriching Activities in order to prove I had a life outside aimless websurfing wasn't worth it
• I read "Hello to All That" and was sufficiently inspired by the miracle zoloft performed for John Falk to get myself to mental health services, after years of imaginary therapy sessions (sadly, I was less inspired by the fact that I was prescribed zoloft purely because I mentioned reading that book, or by the fact that it did absolutely nothing, after a few days of comparatively blissful placebo effect)
• I procrastinated my way through preparing for my qualifying exam enough that it had to be rescheduled
• Following my reprieve, I did nothing but aimlessly websurf, play spider solitaire and whine until 2 days before my proposal was due
• I went home and attended 2 weddings
• I went to the Landmark forum and got sent home
• I got to meet the fabulous Scribbler-Blues!
  
• I spent time (3 hours counts, since it wasn't in an airport) in 6 countries, and 3 US cities
• I went downhill skiing 3 times and cross-country once
• I saw 22 movies in the theatre (best: The Squid and the Whale, Look Both Ways, Thumbsucker; worst: the Wedding Crashers (I'll probably write about the person who is the reason for my shame at some point))
• I watched at least 24 DVDs from netflix (competition for best is too close to call here; worst: Dopamine)
• I saw 3 bands play, 5 orchestras, 2 ballets, 2 plays and 2 musicals
  

I guess that doesn't look so bad written out like that. I think the problem is that if I wrote a list of all the things I had the opportunity to do and didn't for reasons of apathy, it would be a lot longer and more interesting.
Starting therapy ought to have been a big event, but somehow the 45 minutes per fortnight spent in agonising silence has had remarkably little effect on the rest of my life. In all the years I spent thinking of what I would say, I thought actually forcing myself to make an appointment and keep it would be the biggest hurdle. Actually that's not really true; the reason it took me so long was that I couldn't see how I would actually start talking, but at the same time, I must have had some faith that if I got myself into the office, they would magically make me be able to talk...
Of course, the best thing about 2005 was discovering the wonderful blogging community. I don't remember exactly how I ended up reading academic blogs. It was definitely sparked during those long months of "reading", when I was desperate for something to pass the time that didn't require actual focus or rigorous thought (in my field, at least). I think started out reading feminist responses to Larry Summers' pathetic speech and was thrilled to find an almost endless source of interesting writing (thanks Larry!). Although I think I may have actually found Profgrrrrl via a pet blog link to Hedgical Trevor's own site- it's a very tangled web. I think you can get an extension for firefox now that tracks the chain of links so you can look up how you find interesting websites. I wish I had that!
This blog hasn't turned out the way I initially hoped, but at the same time, I didn't really expect to be able to keep posting very long, given how slack I am at maintaining every other aspect of my life. It's been fun. Thanks for all your wonderful posts! (Yeah, I know most of the people I'm thanking won't read this, but oh well...) Happy new year :)