oops
I didn't mean to disappear all week. I guess my apathy is invading my non-work life as well. I have things to post about (another 8 books for starters, even if I didn't want to actually think about what I was writing), but every time I thought about posting it seemed like too much effort (just like packing up my stuff to go home has been too much effort so I've been in the lab too late every night). I've been leaving my laptop at the lab and, therefore, sleeping more, or at least going to bed earlier. I've actually woken up before my alarm the last couple of days, but of course I didn't get up until long after it would've gone off anyway. I have made it into lab by 10.15 a couple of days, too, but that doesn't help so much when I just use the extra morning time to read blogs. Today, I managed to put off the 3 hours of work I absolutely had to do today until after 5pm, so I'm stuck here late. I have an hour and a half of just waiting around, but I'm ignoring the other experiment I could be finishing.
Whenever I think of the big picture of what I'm working on and where all this is leading, I keep deceiving myself that I'm excited and motivated. But then as soon as I figure out what my next small, simple step is, I completely frozen by apathy again. It doesn't help that Overly Verbose Student is all eager to get things done and keeps asking what I'm doing next and wants to plan Exciting Experiments.
This is really the same post I've been writing for weeks... Sorry for the repetition.
posted by Lucy @ 7:20 PM
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3 Comments:
Those 1st 2 sentences in the last paragraph--starting with "Whenever" and ending with "apathy again"? I could totally have written those sentences.
That's all. Just saying, I hear ya.
I agree with LB. I just so want to be done with my degree, it's not even funny. I wish there were an alternative to a dissertation.
So...I disappeared for a month - and hadn't been exactly omnipresent before that. Sorry to be such a slug.
Re your question: I started talking like I do most everything: research. I watched what other people did at work, etc. and tried to emulate the patterns. Not exactly a raving success, even after all these years. (It took a comment from daughter - accompanied by an eye-roll that would have left most people sitting on the ground shaking their heads - to help me realize that when people say "Hi! How are you?" they generally do not actually give a crap - you are expected to say Great thanks for asking - even if your leg is hanging off your body attached only by a slim thread of mangled skin.)
I started with simple comments "My what a lovely day!" (followed by a major effort not to physically cringe or run like hell). I moved up through the conversational ranks gradually: "You're planning a vacation to Guam? That's so neat! Making progress on all the details?" etc.
Of course, any topic I'm even vaguely interested in is perilous: I have trouble recognizing the line between making a couple of comments and climbing on my hobby horse.
If I wind up at any social events involving more than a friend or two, or immediate family, all bets are off. I have actually caught myself wringing my hands at relatively easy to manage events, praying I'll magically melt into the carpet. I can stand there in the midst of what to most people would probably seem like an easy-to-join conversation and have absolutely no idea what to say - actually any ideas about anything are totally absent from my panic-stricken brain.
I doubt that's really helpful, but it is how I managed to at least sometimes say something, even if I missed the instructions about the emergency cut-off valve.
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