what do I do?
I still haven't replied to the email asking if I'm okay... At this point, I guess I need something better than the lame excuse about being fine that I would've used yesterday, but I still don't think I can tell the truth. Plenty of you have offered very good reasons for just admitting what's going on, but I don't think I can do it.
Here are the reasons I've come up with so far:
- I don't want them to be annoyed with me for lying to them for the past 2 years
- I don't want to make them feel bad that I never shared how I was feeling with them (in particular, one housemate talked fairly openly about her depression a while ago and I said nothing and another housemate recently started volunteering for the Samaritans and was hurt about people hanging up on him since he took it as rejection and implying that he couldn't help (he's the one who emailed me))
- I just want to be invisible. I don't want people being concerned and checking up on me and asking if I'm okay, because admitting I'm depressed won't make it any easier to talk about it and I'll just end up lying about being fine again (as now happens with my mum). I especially don't want people wondering why I'm depressed.
- I don't want people to treat me differently, even to cut me some slack with chores, because then I'll just get even more self-conscious
posted by Lucy @ 1:09 PM
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comments
10 Comments:
I don't think I can do it.
I think you can. If that helps.
If it helps (and I guess it might not), you probably don't have much of a choice about whether they get all concerned and start checking up on you and cutting you some slack.
The fact that they have emailed to see if you are okay means they already are concerned, and if you don't answer the mail, they will probably just keep getting concernederer.
So the only thing you can really control here is how much they know versus how much they speculate about. And I've never been in your situation, but I suspect it might be important to you to have be able to control at least that aspect of the situation.
StyleyGeek, if I keep pretending to be fine, they may speculate, but they probably won't ask me awkward questions, at least...
Phantom, I think I'm going to let you down, sorry...
You're not letting me down, Lucy!
You could also tell them something between "fine" and "the truth," especially if you don't want to get into the truth and they are not particularly entitled to it.
I usually just say I'm particularly stressed because of some deadline or anxious about something impending ... I use this a lot, actually, and people always seem to back off.
You know, sending them this blog entry in email format would probably be a perfect way of expressing yourself and letting them know how you would like to be treated. It is pretty candid though, to send to people you know IRL, so I'm not actually suggesting you do it.
What if you tell them something like--'thank you for caring and noticing, but what I want most right now is space to myself to bring myself up again. If I need to talk about it, I'll let you know.'
You've let them know that it's not nothing, you're not fine, but you don't want to talk about it. Would that work?
Shrinky, that's pretty much my standard, too.
I went with the other standard "I'm okay, just generically busy" line, though. I did say I was feeling kind of anti-social last week thanks to all the forced recruitment socialising. I'm not sure I sounded believable, but even if I didn't, it still means I don't want to talk about it. I'm still not okay with saying I'm not okay.
Phantom, I feel like, if you believe in me, I should try to live up to that, but I just chickened out.
Aw, Lucy. There's nothing to live up to, you know? I believe in you, yes. But that means that I believe in who you are, that you have value and meaning, that you are worthy of kindness and love. It doesn't mean that you need to do anything or be anything. Just be who you are, and do what you're ready to do. Okay?
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