I didn't even cry
The anxiety screening thing today wasn't so bad. It only took 2.5 hours, not 4, as they'd said (maybe because I didn't talk that much, although I did think I was slow about answering the questions).
I was pretty anxious while I was waiting, and it didn't help when a boy who looked younger than me came out to talk to me (I know, ageist of me, but he did turn out to be an undergrad). Luckily, he was just going through the consent form. The form included sections about them taking blood for DNA testing (along with a helpful description of what DNA is), but they're not actually doing that now. Apparently, they're going to keep checking up on me for the next two years, regardless of whether I go through any treatment with them.
The psychologist doing the interview was a fellow C'landian, which was nice. It also helped that the questions were mainly yes/no or multiple choice. Actually, they were pretty similar to the ones on the forms I filled out last night, except with more detailed answers allowed. I guess the interview is meant to clarify some of the ones I was borderline on, but I did wish I could just fill it out in writing myself or refer her to the forms, rather than having to talk.
A lot of time was taken up discussing depression, rather than anxiety, and I felt like an idiot because I couldn't remember when that started or when it was worst or things like that. One set of questions asked about a two week period when I had various symptoms, but I probably had multiple two week periods so I wasn't sure if I was answering the questions properly. Actually, I felt more like an idiot for not remembering what medications I'd tried or when they were prescribed or by who. She was kind of surprised and/or alarmed that I'd only seen the psychiatrist a couple of times while taking the Celexa, and then I had to explain that I was avoiding him.
I got to skip multiple sections of her question book (those fear of snakes etc bits), which made me feel a bit better. I was wondering if that made me less in need of help, though, and if I was understating my anxiety somehow. I also ended up wondering if I wasn't so badly off, after all, since it wasn't as horrible an experience as I'd expected. I didn't even cry.
Now she has to discuss me at the centre's weekly meeting and then she's going to call me to discuss treatment options. I thought it was just a group thing, but they also do individual therapy. I'm not sure which I would prefer. Obviously, a group would be made up of multiple scary people, but in general I feel less pressure in groups. Although, I suppose they wouldn't let me hide...
Labels: people are scary
2 Comments:
I'm so glad you went and that it wasn't awful! That's not easy - yay for you!
Hooray for it not being awful and not crying! Hmmm...individual or group therapy...tough call. Looking forward to hearing how it all works out!
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