how annoyed should I be?

I'm going to a conference in Ski Resort Town soon. I was excited to get the email my abstract was accepted for a poster presentation* because I didn't have to feel like I was wasting my advisor's money by going (and I'll get to go skiing!). It was also validating that the organisers didn't think my abstract (written at the last minute with a quick glance by my advisor), and therefore research,was rubbish.

Yesterday, I got a second email saying that my abstract was also selected for an oral presentation, which is a bigger deal. My first reaction was "Damn! Now I have to have better results to present because people will actually see it", but it also gave me a much-needed confidence boost, given that getting a talk is more competitive. I was surprised that nobody else in my lab got a talk, in particular, the post-doc who is a lot closer to publication than I am, but I'm not a fan of his communication style so I thought maybe he just wrote a bad abstract. My advisor asked me to include a slide or two promoting his and the other students' posters, which I was happy to agree to.

Today, my advisor said he might get this post-doc (A) to do the talk instead of me. I was surprised because that seemed like something straight out of a YoungFemaleScientist blog post (i.e. an example of how PIs can screw over their advisees) and I've long counted myself lucky that my advisor was a nice person who wouldn't do anything like that. I still think he's a nice person, so I'm not sure what to think about his asking me to give up the talk.

He went on to explain that there had been a mix-up with A's abstract submission and his was never reviewed. He was going to try to get them to give A a talk as well, but they usually only let one person per lab speak. I took this to mean that if the organisers had read A's abstract, they never would have chosen mine, which obviously didn't leave me feeling very good.

I mostly agree that A's work is more worthy of presentation than mine, but I wonder how much of that is my low self-esteem. This is why I was glad of the external validation when I got the acceptance. I also think that abstract selection is not infallible and just because my advisor thinks A's work is better, doesn't mean the conference organisers would agree, especially when going by just an abstract. If someone who I thought didn't have as interesting an abstract as me got a talk and I didn't, I doubt I'd assume it was a mistake, as I'm sure A does.

I'm inclined to think A complained to my advisor and said he should be the one to talk. He's a lot more confrontational than both my advisor and myself. There are legitimate (though, political) reasons why it would be in my advisor's interests to have A present instead of me. Perhaps that means it would be better for the lab as a whole and I should take one for the team, but it's not in my personal interest.

If I were hoping to network at this conference in order to apply for post-doc positions, I would be extremely annoyed at being asked to give up the opportunity to be more visible and have a presentation to list on my CV. As it is, I'm not sure what I want to do next, but I'm leaning away from academic research. Does that mean it doesn't matter? I'm not sure what my advisor thinks my plans are. He talked months ago about this conference being a good networking opportunity, but maybe his opinion of my academic career potential has gone down since then, or maybe he hasn't thought of it.

On a less personal level, it irks me that this fits the pattern of a junior, female scientist being taken advantage of, even though I know the reasons behind it aren't sexist. The fact that A's assertiveness about demanding what he feels he deserves and my own reluctance to assert anything at all conform to gender stereotypes makes me want to stick up for myself more than I might otherwise.

So, what should I do? I will at least raise the issue of whether I'd still get to put that my abstract was accepted as a talk on my CV. Should I argue for keeping the talk, though? Given my ambivalence about an academic career, it probably is more important to A and my advisor, but it still seems unfair. I know the other grad student in the lab wouldn't stand for it, but I've been meaning to post about how we tend to take things to opposite extremes, so I'm not sure he's a good reference point.





*This is the less prestigious and lower profile way to present work at scientific conferences. It's not as primary-school-project-ish as it sounds, although I do know of a couple of people in undergrad who didn't realise that and put drawings of puppies and kittens on their poster...