seriously, universe
it wasn't funny the first time.
At least it's easier to ignore an email, compared to someone standing in front of you. It was better when I thought I'd finally convinced him I was just a horrible person and not worth wanting to see. Why does he want to try to be friends again? I don't know what to do.
posted by Lucy @ 11:47 PM
10
comments
10 Comments:
If you really don't want to be friends, just tell him that you don't want to be friends. You might have to tell him a few times, but he'll eventually get the message. If it helps, you could say that you're not ready yet and that you'll let him know when/if you are - but that does leave the possibility of you coming 'round eventally so I'd only use that if you think you might change your mind one day.
I hope whatever you tell him he listens...so few people do, eh?
t's been 2 years and he knows I didn't want to be friends then, so I don't think the "not ready" excuse would work. I could just tell him; I did do that before. I just don't want to go through the guilt at being evil again... And seeing him seems a small enough thing to do that I'm being super-evil for not being willing to. It would also be a nice self-punishment for the 2 years of being able to ignore the whole thing...
Um, I really don't think you have to see anyone you used to date unless you a) have a child with them or b) want to.
I guess I just believes there's no point in pretending - if you don't want to be friends, just don't. I know it feels bad to keep telling someone you used to care about that you don't want to see them when they want to be nice. And, I know it feels bad - because I've done it and been called horrible things becasue of it. But that person later told me they wouldn't have been able to move on without that clarity.
I guess in your situation it's different, because he's probably moved on. But still, I think that if you don't really want to see him you don't have to.
Besides, being freinds only really works if both people want a relationship. Your feelings count too! But I understand that either way this sucks...just by getting his email you now feel bad no matter what you do. I hate those sorts of things.
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"all of our ex's should Go Away. To Albania or somewhere."
I prefer them dropping off the face of the earth. So far that has happened to none of the ex-boyfriends and all of the hot guys (not there are that many) with whom I have gone on two dates.
Anyway, to Lucy... sorry this is going on. I hope you figure out what to do and cheer up. I like your posts and think you write well.
Good luck.
in this case there's a whole lot more guilt than if it were as simple as we used to date... At least, that's how it seems, but maybe I'm wrong. I really need to tell the whole story, I think...
Sorry to hear all this is happening.
My advice would be to simply tell him that you don't think it would be a good idea to be friends and that you would not feel comfortable being friends.
You are not a horrible person!
Sorry, Lucy. This sounds hard. We're listening, if you want to tell more of the story--if that would be helpful or clarifying (for you, I mean!) at all. :)
I would suggest that he wants to be friends with you exactly because you are not a horrible person. You a smart and nice person. You've the right to choose with whom you interact, and doing so does not make you awful. It is awkward though, very awkward.
My curiousity as to the back story is so piqued!
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