talk or switch
The friend who got me to ask my advisor for a new laptop by threatenting to cut off a toe just made me pinky swear to talk to the therapist at my appointment tomorrow or switch therapists.
I don't really want to do either, but I know it is pointless to continue to go to my appointments just to sit in silence, only occasionally nodding or shaking my head. Theoretically, I do want to talk to her and get help, but I forget about that once I'm there and just want to escape without revealing anything too freakish about myself (yes, I'm aware that not saying anything is very weird, anyway; maybe I just don't want to say anything out loud).
It could be easier to talk this time, because I did buy this book on Overcoming Social Anxiety to work through with her. I've been dreading that because actually doing something about my anxiety is scary. That is the whole reason for going to therapy, of course...
Part of the reason I don't talk to her is that she doesn't make me. I know I should be self-motivated and want to talk on my own, but maybe someone else forcing me to talk would be good. I had always thought that talking on the phone was far worse than in person, but when I did the phone screening for the social anxiety program I mentioned here, I ended up saying more than I would've otherwise because the lack of non-verbal means of communication meant I had to say things out loud. I'm not sure how the therapist could make me talk, anyway. Maybe if she repeated her questions and didn't move on until I'd answered, it would be harder to just wait her out. I don't want to tell her that, though.
The social anxiety program person finally called back last week with an appointment time for their more thorough screening. It's a 4 hour session, which scares me, without even thinking about what it might involve. That's in a couple of weeks' time.
My other option is to switch therapists. I feel awkward about that idea because I would feel rude or ungrateful stopping going to the current therapist (even though she'd probably be glad to be rid of me). Also, I wouldn't know how to find anyone better. She's apparently asked other therapists at the same place for help with figuring out what to do with me and not seemed to get any great feedback, so I don't know if there is someone there who could be more helpful. I could go somewhere other than the student health service and pay for it myself. Paying could help my motivation to actually do something useful with the time, but I would have to figure out how to find someone. The thought of having to start over with a new person is scary, too.
What do you think? Would it be better to talk or switch?
Labels: therapy
posted by Lucy @ 12:36 PM
12
comments
12 Comments:
Lucy, I think you should try to talk. It doesn't seem like you don't like her, right? Why don't you try just talking about the book "Overcoming Social Anxiety". Bring with you a list of points about the book to discuss, and talk off of your notes. Maybe writing things down before hand will help? Of course, I am an historian, I don't really know what I am talking about... GOOD LUCK!
Well, i think your title says it all. Give yourself the choice: either talk or switch. If you can't make yourself talk, then you need to swtch. Maybe the threat of having to switch will force you to talk :)
I avoided therapy for a long time, so I understand the hesitation to truly open up to someone. In my situation, Dr. Counselor is so quirky and weird that it doesn't matter if he finds me a bit odd sometimes. If there's anything I've learned from blogging though, it's that we're less freakish than we believe ourselves to be. :) So I agree with the plan - give her another shot and see if you can talk a bit, or try to find someone new. (But I'm supportive regardless of any decisions because if we lived closer, I'd just follow you around asking if you wanted to be best friends.) :)
Kisha, I do think she's nice. I'm going to try to finish the book tonight and maybe talk about it.
Shrinky, I don't have to give myself the choice; I already pinky swore... I'm not sure if the threat is enough to make me be able to talk, but I guess I have to try.
Katie, other people's therapists always sound more helpful, but that's probably because what they say is actually in response to something, rather than in a vacuum. And I'd be following you around wanting to be friends, too :)
It seems like talking would be easier that actually swiching -- but, easier than saying you are going to switch and just quit without finding someone else.
Switching may be the new start you need to start talking to the therapist.
I like Kisha's idea. Having a plan of what to talk about seems like a good idea. But on the other hand, if you haven't talked with this therapist so far, it can be incredibly hard to suddenly start talking.
So I guess I support Post Doc - in that I support whatever decision you ultimately make =-)
Ideally you would talk to her about exactly what you wrote here!
it's funny that the forced choice wouldn't work for you - as it totally does for me. Yesterday after teaching, I didn't want to get groceries, and was really gearing to ust go home. I realized that would be disastrous as I'd no food at home, so I told myself I could either go to grocery store x or grocery store y. And it worked, making myself only have those two options made me think those were my only choices, and I went. I do that a lot with worky tasks too, "You can either grade or do laundry."
I do wonder if it would be easier to start afresh and actually talk if I saw someone different, but I'm not sure.
Shrinky, I didn't mean that the forced choice wouldn't work, just that I'd already committed to it.
Oh, okay, I was confused by your comment then.
so, what did you do? Your adoring fans need an update here.
my vote? talk.
My second vote? print out this blog entry and show it to her. Or something similar.
Re: Switching...
Your therapist won't take it as an insult--it is as much about fit as it is about skill. I've switched, not because mine was a bad person or a bad doctor but because her style just was not effective for me. Before, I thought it was a waste of time, but now, I am learning a lot of effective coping strategies (for social anxiety, actually.)
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