favourite books of 2007

I read slightly more books than last year, but I don't think I loved any of them quite as much as the ones I loved last year. I wonder if not being depressed makes a difference. Most of my favourite books last year were about highly disturbed people and I liked them so much because I could identify with them. I don't think I read so many books about disturbed people this year, or at least not the right kind of disturbed people.

Maybe the difference is in context, too. I did most of my reading this year on the elliptical machine at the gym, rather than hiding in my room, desperate for something to distract me from how miserable I felt. Perhaps I should make more of an effort to read away from the gym, so I can properly appreciate what I'm reading. At least this year I would have less trouble recommending some of these books to people I don't know well.

I thought about trying to just recommend my single favourite book of the year, but I still think one book can't suit everyone (I think Day was the best book I read, but I'm not sure everyone would like it), so I've listed the 9 10 (I just finished the 10th yesterday) books I loved most and think you should read. I could have included Emma or Pride and Prejudice, but do I really need to tell anyone to read Jane Austen? I did just sort them into approximate order, which I had thought I couldn't do.

10. Anthropology by Dan Rhodes (#26)
9. Astonishing Splashes of Colour by Clare Morrall (#84)
8. How to Be Good by Nick Hornby (#111)
7. Robot Dreams by Sara Varon (#100)
6. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield (#63)
5. The Secret History by Donna Tartt (#121)
4. No One Belongs Here More Than You by Miranda July (#65)
3. The Idea of Perfection by Kate Grenville (#35)
2. The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt (#128)
1. Day by A.L. Kennedy (#59)

Thanks to Jeremy, for posting a link to the website for No One Belongs Here More Than You, Katie and wolfa for for posting about/recommending The Thirteenth Tale and Kermit for The Last Samurai.

I just read Cee's reading year post and am now feeling all competitive and wanting to read 200 books next year, too. I have been doing a fair bit of knitting recently, which kept me from reading on the way to and from lab, so I could read more if I tried.

books #112-128

112. Hush Little Baby by Katherine Davies ****. I actually picked this up thinking it was by Kathryn Davis and was disappointed to discover my mistake. I ended up liking the book a lot, though. It reminded me a bit of Astonishing Splashes of Colour, which I also liked a lot.

113. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen ****. The other people in my book club thought Fanny was boring and pathetic for being so timid, which made me feel like a loser for identifying with her more than the more talkative characters.

114. The Gum Thief by Douglas Coupland ***. I got close to disliking Douglas Coupland with JPod, and this didn't make me like him much more, even though I think it was better than JPod. At least this book didn't have pages on end of numbers. It was told with notes and letters, though, which was a little annoying, especially when I didn't see why the characters would be so involved as to write to each other to begin with.

115. Ask Again Later by Jill A. Davis **. I can't even remember this book much. It was fairly formulaic and bland.

116. Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict by Laura Viera Rigler **. I don't even know why I kept reading this. If you liked Austenland, you might like it, though.

117. The Gift of Nothing by Patrick McDonnell ****. This was very cute and sweet. Go read it in a bookstore; it'll only take you a few minutes and it will make you smile.

118. Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud ****. This was a very interesting book. I'd never really thought about how comics work as a medium. I think I tend to read them too fast and focus on the words, but I'll appreciate them more now maybe.

119. You Don't Love Me Yet by Jonathan Lethem ***1/2. I've been meaning to read some of Jonathan Lethem's books, but I think I picked the wrong one. I liked this, but I wanted to like it more than I did. It was upbeat and quirky and entertaining, but not very substantial.

120. Outrageous Fortune by Tim Scott **. This is the kind of book I would have eagerly picked up when I was 14 or so, right after I started reading Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. Like their work, it's supposed to be funny SF/fantasy. Unfortunately, this isn't that good (not that I even think Terry Pratchett is that good lately) or at all funny. I shouldn't have bothered finishing it.

121. The Secret History by Donna Tartt ****1/2. I really liked The Little Friend so I'd been meaning to read this for ages. It was great. Kind of disturbing and horrifying, but still great.

122. The Arrival by Shaun Tan ****. A man leaves behind his wife and daughter to immigrate to a country where they speak a different language. It has no words, except for made up symbols for the foreign language, but the illustrations beautifully convey the strangeness of the new place and the difficulties in finding food and work and somewhere to live.

123. Shyness: how normal behaviour became a sickness by Christopher Lane ***. The arguments for how pharmaceutical companies are marketing diseases in order to sell drugs and the descriptions of the haphazard and biased way the DSM listing of psychiatric disorders was created were interesting. The descriptions of how drugs are pushed on people for ordinary shyness didn't match my experiences though, as someone who's been diagnosed with social anxiety, but never offered drugs for it. He seemed anti-cognitive/behavioural therapy, too, which made me think he was biased in favour of psychoanalysis, rather than being impartial.

124. Unpublished manuscript by a fellow book club member ***. I didn't read it when another member sent it to me, because I read the first line and wasn't sure I'd like it enough to be able to say anything about it. The author just got positive feedback from a publisher, though, so I figured it would be safe. It's fine, although it has too many similes for my taste and I don't actually like it enough to say anything about it. Maybe I would've been less critical of the style if I didn't know the author, because I can't help hearing her say the words as I read it, and some things that are fine in books sound pretentious when spoken aloud.

125. The Underachiever's Manifesto by Ray Bennett ****. I think I've always been too lazy to have had a problem with perfectionism, but it was still a nice reminder that adequacy is good enough.

126. Emma by Jane Austen ****1/2. This might be my favourite Jane Austen so far, although it's hard to beat Pride and Prejudice. I liked that it wasn't entirely about the heroine's marriage prospects, and the ending wasn't crammed into a couple of pages.

127. The Gathering by Anne Enright ****. I liked this book at the beginning, but it didn't get really good until the second half. It's on plenty of "best of 2007" lists.

128. The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt *****. Kermit sent me this for the gift exchange meme and I loved it. It's not about samurai, in case you were worried (my housemate just listened to me raving about it, thinking I was talking about the Tom Cruise movie and had lost all taste in books). It's about a single mother and her genius son and his search for his (or a) father, and about how to live and what's really important in life.
The author has a blog, which seems just as full of interesting things as the book.

decluttering

I thought I would try to get rid of some of the clutter in my room and start the new year afresh. So far I've managed to tackle my bedside table. It wasn't that hard to remove everything that didn't belong there, but now I'm having trouble figuring out what to do with some of the stuff that needs a more appropriate home.

I still have half-full bottles of the last 4 anti-depressants I took. When I googled for what to do with them, I found a bunch of sites saying not to flush them down the toilet or throw them in the rubbish bin, but they didn't say what to do with them, other than hope that a pharmacy will take them back (I've asked and they won't) or hope your city will take them as hazardous waste (mine won't). The city's hazardous waste page actually says to throw them in the bin, so I guess I'll have to do that after all, but it seems wrong.

I also reduced my stack of books that won't fit in my bookcase by removing all the print copies of Cell that I got because the subscription was free and I foolishly thought I might read them if they came in the mail. It seems a waste to just recycle them, but I can't imagine anyone else would want them.

I'm not sure what to tackle next. I'm not sure I can face my wardrobe yet. I was partially inspired by this 30-min clutter solution page, but they don't even have an entry for wardrobes or closets! That's not very encouraging.

year in review meme

January: Apparently, Jeremy's hatred for the penultimate page of The Boy Detective Fails is strong enough to turn our disagreement into a public dispute.

February: So, I got my thirty gold stars, but I still haven't figured out a reward.

March: I made graphs of how often I've been doing all these goals, based on my Joe's goals data.

April: Since eating that first azuki cream puff on Friday, I have eaten (not including breakfasts): [a long list of sugary junk]

May: It wasn't so bad.

June: If I had my memory card reader I would put a photo of a parrot in this post to commemorate the fact that I'm in Styleygeek's city, but I don't.

July: I started writing a grumpy post on the plane when I was feeling tired and squished and sad but I don't think I'll post it after all because right now I'm sitting on Santa Monica Pier, checking my email and downloading blogs to read when I have to go back to the airport for my last flight.

August: I got off to a good start this morning, but I've slowed down this evening...

September: The Plan kind of fell by the wayside again, which is okay, because it was due to good things with higher priority.

October: 92. The Beautiful Miscellaneous by Dominic Smith ***1/2.

November: I'm turning over yet another new one.

December: I was supposed to be on a plane right now, but my flight got cancelled so I’m stuck in the airport for another 3 hours.


It has a lot of Plan posts, unsurprisingly, but I don't think it's a bad representation of the year.

happy xmas

I had a pretty good xmas day. I ended up going with my friend to her friend's family, because she was worried about me being by myself and my mum was really upset about it when I talked to her. When my housemate told me her plans to stay home and make collages and read all day, I was kind of jealous and regretted my choice, but it was fine. I didn't talk much, but I didn't feel bad about not talking either.

Since then, I've mainly been playing Scrabble (and losing) and eating gingerbread cookies and cake. It was probably a mistake to bake so much, especially since The Plan went by the wayside a while ago and the gym is closed until the 2nd of January.

I went ice skating at an outdoor rink on the weekend, which was fun, and I think I got my friend hooked, so we might be going again this week.

I hope you all had a good holiday (whether you celebrated or just had the day off). Thanks for the facebook presents, too! I had fun opening them. :)

all baked out

I'm so tired. I just did the same xmas baking as last year: xmas cake and gingerbread cookies. I thought I would have time while the cake cooked for 4 hours to do some cleaning and organising, but instead I spent the whole time cutting out and transferring cookies in and out of the oven. I should really remember to start earlier in the day so that I'm not faced with a mountain of washing up at 11pm. I still need to track down marzipan, since neither grocery store I went to today had any (the first one didn't even have flour!).

I'm also tired from spending 4 hours today walking and xmas shopping. I think I'm actually done! It's a slight improvement over last year, even though my friends at home still won't get their presents until after xmas.

Tomorrow I think I'm going to look at xmas lights with a friend. I still think the Chinese food and movie plan for xmas day sounds good, but I might also be tempted to just stay home and read. I haven't read a book while not also being on the elliptical machine or a bus or walking in ages.

xmas plans

I thought I hated it when people were overly sympathetic about me having no Xmas plans. Being accused of having no Xmas spirit is worse, though (by a non-Xmas-celebrator, even).

Wolfa suggested I borrow a Jewish tradition and do Chinese food and a movie, which is sounding tempting. If only the sweet and sour tofu place delivered this far away... I might be brave and go there by myself, anyway.

xmas presents for me

New boots!

This book, because I need to make this polar bear:

(this one made by Christine*; larger image and another adorable picture here)

I also got a couple of packages from home today, but those will have to wait for Xmas itself.

Tomorrow will be Xmas baking day. I started soaking the fruit cake fruit (unfortunately, I've never been organised enough to soak it months in advance, as Propter Doc did) tonight and now have to resist eating all the corn syrup-free glace cherries that I brought back specially from C'land before I can bake it.

*In linking to her, I saw this fantastic hedgehog, which I might also need to make.

asking

I talked to my dad the other day and he asked what I wanted for Xmas. We always made Xmas and birthday lists in my family, which made shopping much easier. I wouldn't mind if other people still did that. I don't think I would be as good at making a list as I used to, though, possibly because I can just buy pretty much whatever I want myself and anything that's too expensive for me, is also probably too expensive for my parents. I realised that the risk of my Dad getting me something I really don't want was not insignificant (although he has gotten much better), though, so I tried to think of something I could ask for. I finally remembered that I'd thought the gorillapod flexible tripod was pretty cool, so I thought I could suggest that.

I had thought that they were around $20, but my camera is big enough to need the SLR size, which is $40, which is apparently over the threshold of making me feel uncomfortable asking for it*. I was just going to not ask for anything at all, but as I was thinking about the last several presents he's given me in order to gauge the risk of getting something I wouldn't want, I realised he probably spent at least $40 on them, so I asked. I did have to balance the list out with several cheaper alternatives, though.

When I was 11 or 12 and really wanted a walkman, I asked for a radio instead, because I knew the walkman was too expensive. Of course, when I got the radio I was disappointed because it wasn't really what I wanted. My brother, on the other hand, asked for the walkman, and got it.

Trying to judge what I can ask for without unduly (i.e. at all) inconveniencing or imposing on the giver is a more general pattern. Mostly, I don't feel like I deserve any more than that. It does have the advantage that I get to control the compromise. I probably would've been more disappointed if I'd asked for a walkman and got the radio. Then again, I probably would've been telling myself not to expect as much as I'd asked for anyway. I like being self-sufficient and not needing to ask for things, but I think that can be socially isolating. I know my mum would love to be able to give me exactly what I want, but I don't usually give her the chance. I meant to shift to talking about non-material things, but I was still thinking about presents; I think it works either way, though.

I can see the advantages for asking for what you really want, but in watching my brother demand and get a lot more than I would in many circumstances, I could also see that he got a lot more resentment, and felt more frustration when he didn't get everything he wanted. Being quiet and undemanding got me rewards, too, even if I felt unnoticed a lot of the time. I'm sure there's a balance somewhere between my brother and I, but I still feel like I belong on this side of it. It's safer here, anyway.




*One of my housemates asked if I'd received lots of presents from my family and after I told him my dad was only just wondering what I'd like, he suggested I ask for an iPod. Ha!

advice requested

I really need winter shoes, but I'm not sure what to get. Should I be a good vegetarian and get vinyl snow boots?

Or the nicer-looking, non-vegetarian version?

Should I even bother getting snow boots? Will they be too warm if it's not completely freezing outside? Should I just get waterproof hiking boots so that I can use them all year round (assuming I ever go hiking again)? That's what I've had before (from pre-vegetarian days). I actually bought a pair of these last year without thinking about the vegetarian issue, but somehow they went from being perfectly comfortable in the store, to painfully small once I took them on a trip, so I returned them. Should I just get a pair in the next size up?

I wasted quite a while looking at shoes today and didn't manage to find any waterproof, vegetarian hiking shoes, but if you know of any, I'd be glad to hear about them.

better day already

• My missing things showed up today. Apparently I brought them to the lab where I wanted them myself, only they were in with things I was bringing to a post-doc, since the tech thought they were hers. Her stuff has been sitting in the freezer unclaimed all this time.
• As I was walking downstairs to buy lunch, I passed leftovers from a meeting, so I got a free, yummy lunch.
• I just won my 200th ISC scrabble game (and you thought Facebook Scrabulous was addictive...).

I did just play 6 games in a row (and won them all) in order to get my rating up over the next hundred mark, so I should get back to work...

Update: I just figured out why my database was missing data, too. I was silly.

random bullets of frustration

Frustration #1

• In order to order things, I had to do the ordering system training, but there's no training class until mid-January
• Luckily, they now have training online
• Except the link I was given was merely a login screen, for which my username and password didn't work.
• I laughed at the fact that there was an entire help tutorial on how to login.
• Until I was told that was the training I was supposed to be doing...
• Except that it really was just a training on how to type your username in the "username" field and your password in the "password" field.
• 10 emails later, the person who'd sent me the link realised it was the wrong one.
• Then I had to sit through the actual training.
• The trainings were all slideshows with a recorded voice, so I couldn't just skim read, even though it was all as basic as the one on how to login.
• At least I had my knitting, and it only took as long as my scripts took to run.

Frustration #2

• I ordered a bunch of things (through a different system) about a month ago, but I haven't been in that lab to check that they arrived.
• I asked the tech who works there whether they had arrived and she said no, definitely not.
• I called the company and they said they arrived in early November.
• I got the mail people to verify that they received the package and find out who signed for it. (I was hoping someone in a neighbouring lab did and just forgot to tell anyone)
• The person who signed for it was the same tech who denies ever having seen it.
• Even after I said they have her listed as signing for it, she kept suggesting it might have been delivered somewhere else.

Frustration #3

• I have data in all the relevant fields of my database, but when I try to export it, half of it disappears.
• There doesn't seem to be any pattern to it.
• Filemaker Pro help files suck.

I'm actually not feeling that bothered now that I've given up on dealing with them for the day. I've been eating better today and I'm going to the gym, so things aren't all bad.

ETA:

Frustration #4

• When I got to the gym it was already closed.
• According to the hours posted, it should've been open at least long enough for me to work out.
• Grr!
• Can stomping home count as exercise?

new rule

I've discovered that I can relatively easily eat 8 servings of fruit/vegetables in a day. Today I had nine. You can guess how successful I've been at eating less crap...

So, new rule: no more than 2 fruit/vegetable servings can be used to offset the junk.

cool things

Thought bubble hairclips:
Animal/scenery rings:

The Xmas tree my mum sent me (it arrived in October and I just remembered I was supposed to open it before Xmas):

Even though I love my tree, I still kind of want this one, too:

freak, not idiot

Last week at group therapy it was my turn for exposure (i.e. to be made anxious). The first time, they were running late so I didn't go through the whole thing they did for everyone else, where they got the person to list the automatic negative thoughts that arose and come up with rational alternatives and specific goals for the exposure. The exposure itself was also kind of lame: I just had to answer questions people asked, which were mainly about C'land and very easy.

This time, they suggested for the person ahead of me that they could set up a couple of people in conversation and make her interrupt and join in. The idea of that made me anxious, so I thought I could suggest that if they asked me what kind of exposure would work for me. Instead their idea was to make me have a conversation in front of everyone about how I was feeling and what I was anxious about. The exposures are meant to make you anxious, but not too anxious. Talking about how I feel is the most anxiety-provoking thing for me, so I wasn't sure I could do it. I tried to convince myself I should try, because I hadn't really done any kind of exposure to what I'm actually afraid of, but I think it was really too hard. I ended up trying not to cry and unable to talk, anyway. The exposure ended up being me just sitting there crying, digging my nails into my fingers, being incredibly embarrassed at being such a freak. The therapist tried to get me to talk by asking what colour things around the room were, which made me even more embarrassed because it felt so patronising (except that would imply that they were asking something ridiculously easy and it wasn't, it just should've been).

Eventually she tried suggesting negative thoughts and asking me to rate how close they were to what I was thinking, since I couldn't say what I was actually thinking. The only one that really seemed relevant was "everyone must think I'm an idiot". Then she tried to come up with rational responses, but the problem was that they were mainly about the fact that I'm at Prestigious U, so I can't be completely stupid. I wasn't really thinking I was stupid, though, just that I'm a freak, so the rational responses didn't really help with that.

One of the people in the group was surprised that I wasn't thinking "I can't cope with this anxiety", since I was obviously very upset. The anxiety was a result of imagining what people were thinking about me, though, and I knew it would go away as soon as they stopped focussing on me. The therapist has several times said it's brave not to run out of the room during an exposure, but for me it would take far more courage to move. My response is always to freeze and move as little and be as quiet as possible. I think the reason I can't talk when I get upset like that is because if I open my mouth, I won't be able to prevent my voice from betraying any emotion, or loud sobs from escaping. I don't know why that would be so terrible, since I was sitting there with tears running down my face so I clearly wasn't fooling anyone about how upset I was. Just part of my general desire for remaining invisible?

Today was the last session. I didn't have to do a big exposure, so it was pretty easy, except for the part where they let other people in to share the pizza and we were supposed to talk to them. At the end, we all had to go around and say what had improved over the course of the group and I was the only one who couldn't think of anything.

This group was kind of my last hope for improving, because nothing else has worked and this was meant to be the best treatment. Now I'm sad because I don't know what else to do. I know people who've done similar things and it really forced them to confront their fears and get used to them, but this group didn't work like that for me. It did help everyone else in the group, some of them dramatically so, but for me it seems like it was a waste of significant quantities of time, money and stress. Maybe the effects just aren't dramatic enough for me to notice, but I'm still disappointed. Partly I'm disappointed in the group, that it was so focussed on public speaking and that it was too easy to stay in the background of the group. Mostly, though, I think I should've tried harder and been more active myself. Although I'm having trouble imagining how I could've actually told them specifically what I needed to work on... I could have done more homework, but then, I could've done this whole course myself from one of the books I'd already read, since I didn't learn any new techniques or ideas. I guess I was hoping I would be held more accountable, even though I should be motivated enough to work on this myself, or that the presence of other people with similar problems would make me feel better about myself, instead of even more freakish.

Now I don't know what to do. The ordinary therapist I see suggested I join a group one of her colleagues runs, which sounded kind of weird, since it doesn't seem to have a theme. I was hoping that would seem more doable after the social anxiety group, but if people who supposedly share the same problem made me feel like a freak, I can't imagine how bad people who aren't even shy could make me feel.

this feels weird

I finished work by 7 (including analysing some data that made me happy) and am now eating the yummy, nutritious dinner I made yesterday. I should do this more often.

star effect

What I ate today:

• cereal with fruit
• chocolate milk
• donut holes
• thai curry soup
• bread*
• tangerine
• carrot/apple/passionfruit juice (you can't taste the carrot)
• an Amy's Organics enchilada bowl**
• green beans

What I would've eaten if it weren't for The Plan:

• cereal with fruit
• chocolate milk
• donut holes
• some kind of pastry/muffin***
• an Amy's Organics enchilada bowl
• dessert

I ate more than I would've otherwise (although I may have eaten enough dessert to make up the difference in calories, at least), but I think it's pretty obviously an improvement.

*I just went to look up the nutritional information for the soup and bread and the bread is listed as having potential allergens including shellfish and fish, and yet it's still also listed as vegetarian.

** Is it okay to assume this has one serving of vegetables? A serving is only half a cup, so it seemed like it must have at least that much, even though it was mainly beans. Are beans vegetables? Is potato?

*** A muffin from the place I got soup and bread is 520 calories! I usually feel slightly virtuous when I go for a carrot muffin instead of a cinnamon roll, but I'm not sure the scraps of vegetable are worth the extra 170 calories.

The Plan: month 9

I'm taking a break from The Plan while I'm out of town, but I'll be back tomorrow and I want to be prepared to get back into the swing of things right away.

Even though I've struggled a bit along the way, I'm looking forward to being able to do a summary of the whole year at the end of the month, so I can see how much progress I've made.

1. Health



There was a big jump in how often I went to bed before midnight. Unfortunately, most of those nights were concentrated at the start of the month. I did feel a lot better when I got more sleep, so I'm going to try to do that more. It makes it a lot easier to get going on work when I start earlier, too. Supposedly, I ate real dinners most of the time, but I think my standards are a bit too low. I'm still snacking far too much, so I think this needs to be the focus of this month's Plan. I was thinking of making it a rule that I have to eat 5 servings of fruit and vegetables a day, but now I'm wondering if I'll just eat that on top of all the junk. I wanted it to be a positive goal, rather than saying no snacks, but maybe I'll follow a friend's suggestion and make it that I have to eat 4 servings plus another one for every snack I eat.

I kept my room tidy for half the month, but then once I let it lapse into squalor, it's easy to just let it stay that way. I cleaned it up before I left so that I wouldn't come back to a horrible mess, so now I'll try to keep it that way for the month.


2. Lab



There were a few nights when I wasn't sure I was going to get enough work done by 10pm, but I made it, even if just barely. I'm going to continue that. I still feel very slack for only doing 3.5 hours of work a day, but it will do for now. Since there are only 27 days left of December, and I want to start afresh in the new year, I'm going to award a bonus star if I do another 3.5 hours in a day and try to get to 30 that way.

* stage 1: finish optimising the assay conditions, repeat the big set of experiments, analyse
Done! Kind of... One round, at least. Now I have to figure out whether this is enough, or if I need to do another one.

* stage 2: make/find the new reagents I need, use them
It would help if I actually looked at this list during the month...

* stage 3: in vivo stuff.
I should have started last month, but it looked like someone else using a different method would get the same result, so I didn't bother. Theirs didn't work, though, so now I really have to do it.

3. Social

I only have 2 weeks left of group therapy and I'm not sure it's made much difference. I think I've taken advantage of the group setting to avoid attention being focussed on me, which is kind of a pity, although I would've hated attention, too. I guess I need to find some other way of working on that...

The book club is still going for now and it might continue even after one member leaves, via conference call, but that sounds scary.

This part doesn't seem to have an actual plan. How about, I will talk to a housemate every day, even if it's just to say hi.

airport ramblings

I was supposed to be on a plane right now, but my flight got cancelled so I’m stuck in the airport for another 3 hours. CNN is showing nothing but hostage situation coverage. It might be slightly more newsworthy, but it’s no less irritating than the constant coverage of some idiotic celebrity’s court appearance last time I had to wait in an airport. I was amused by the commercial that showed a sleeping pill flying through the air to hover over someone’s bed, slowly dissolving and showering down on them because of the large warning that this was merely a dramatisation. I just saw an ad for “clean coal” that I’m sure I’ve seen on YouTube as a parody. The things I miss by not watching TV… On top of the loud announcements and the alarm going off every time a janitor goes through a door, the TV is accompanied by Christmas carols on saxophone. I really don’t like the sound of saxophones.

I spent a while knitting, but I just got to the fancy part and discovered I’ve lost the pattern. I have a book, but I’m too sleepy to read. . I really wish I could just go to sleep, but this terminal is mean and has armrests between every seat. I was tempted to pay for wireless, but I should be able to last a couple of hours without internet access. Actually, I just realised I haven’t been online since last night. I haven’t done that in a while.

Today has been very busy. I got up at 6am to finish packing for my trip, go to the gym, take books back to the library and drop off my suitcase at the lab before getting to a meeting by 9. The meeting lasted until 1.30 (I think I’ll blog about it later) and then I had to show a post-doc how to do an experiment (finally, he won’t need me to do it for him anymore!). I had to leave him to do the end by himself so that I’d make it to the airport in time. I hope it worked okay.

The meeting I was in was about a potential collaboration with a drug company. Basically, they want someone to do the project I’m doing now, but the much bigger, cooler version that we can’t afford to do. The drug company guy kept saying they could just throw money at the problem whenever any doubts came up. It was interesting to see the kind of experiments they do when money is no object. My 9,000 data points looked like nothing in comparison. It would be very cool if they would give me all the reagents we couldn’t afford. Although, I was already thinking it would be hard to go back to C’landian levels of funding, if I go home; it would be hard to go back to even regular NIH funding after this. I would be worried about the idea of starting my project again, but they want to do the whole thing in a year. Maybe it would help my motivation to have very generous funders to be accountable to.

It was a teleconference with a bunch of people in England, so I got to hear people pronouncing beta correctly for a change, which was nice. One of those people said they’d like to do an experiment in a better model organism than mouse, but obviously that’s not possible. The guy who just wanted to throw money at things then said that they could look into doing experiments with monkeys in China, because laws aren’t so strict there, and it would cost less than a mouse in the US. That was pretty horrifying. Luckily, the English guy said the company would still have to obey any regulations that apply in the UK or US, anyway.

We got taken out to lunch afterwards, too. I suggested that as an anxiety-provoking situation to use for group therapy homework this week, but it wasn’t that bad. I talked. I got embarrassed, though, whenever someone made a big deal about how I got my project to work, because it wasn’t that hard, even if it sounds like it. I’m bad at accepting compliments, anyway, but especially when they’re completely undeserved. Plus, I couldn’t say it was nothing, because we were supposed to be making our work sound impressive so they’d give us money.